Spanking For Britain

Well, this is embarrassing.

Last year, yours truly drew everyone's attention to this report on the introduction of competitive spanking to the Olympic Games in time for London 2012. Now if you're anything like me - and come on, admit it, you are - then you were looking forward to this particular event more than any other. And yet it singularly failed to materialise.

Did the IOC get cold feet? Were there too few countries able to field teams? Who knows? All I can say is that after scouring the schedules I could find no mention of it, and hours and hours spent glued to the TV yielded nothing more than the occasional friendly swat among the beach volleyball teams.

Even the opening and closing ceremonies made no reference to it. Nearly £30 million to tell the story of Great Britain, and absolutely no acknowledgement of its national kink. A cast of 7,500, and not one of them across another's knee!

Now, of course the Games were wonderful and spectacular and exciting and moving and astonishing. They just weren't very... spanko. I had thought maybe they were saving the OTK action for the Paralympics - for example, it would make a fantastic wheelchair-based event - but it's not looking very likely.

To those of you disappointed by the non-televisation of our favourite 'sport', I think I can help. Check back in a couple of days and I'll see what I can do. ;)