Men, huh? Can't live with 'em. Can't strip 'em and spank 'em. Well actually, you CAN, in this little corner of cyberspace. Around here, fully grown males are at constant risk of humiliating bare bottomed correction - hence the 'humblings' of the title.



Saturday, 15 September 2012

The Humbler Games

A couple of weeks ago - almost as though I were maintaining a real blog! - I posted about competitive spanking at London 2012. As in, there wasn't any. And now that the last race has been run and the final medal awarded, we're going to have to wait another four years to see whether there'll be any rump reddening in Rio. Meanwhile, since alternate world fantasy is what we do here I thought we could have a little fun imagining what might have been and even, in a small way, hosting our very own stadium spankings at home.

Now, visitors of a certain age may recall the birth of the athletics-themed arcade game Track and Field. This hugely popular button-basher first appeared in the early eighties, and as far as I know is still going strong - although recent incarnations have moved on a long way from the 8-bit retro charm of their ancestor. Less well remembered (mainly because I've just invented it) is the title's highly unofficial spin-off, Smack and Yield - the first and last videogame to actually feature mixed doubles spanking as an Olympic discipline (see what I did there? 'Discipline'? Never mind...)

I've embedded the app right here, for the entertainment of retro spanking game enthusiasts everywhere. I know you're out there!

To get started just click on, well, START. After that all you have to do is choose your country - or if yours isn't shown, someone else's - and then your team of characters from the huge range of, erm, four. There's a difficulty setting too, for the lightweights.

The rules: Each team's spankee goes across the lap of the opposing team's disciplinarian. After that it's just a question of 'controlling' your team's lady, in classic style, by hitting your LEFT and RIGHT cursor keys alternately as fast you can to reach and maintain maximum paddling speed. The winning team is the first one whose paddler delivers enough swats to get a submission. It ain't subtle. It ain't even that much fun - and I should know, having been forced to playtest it for hours on end!

It all takes place over three rounds, and with each new round the competition gets, um, stiffer.

Here's the list of athletes going for gold.

And here's the game.


CAUTION: Will likely cause repetitive strain injury to both computer hardware and body parts. Play at your own risk. Underling's Humblings accepts no responsibility for your cursor keys and/ or fingers falling off!

Oh, and if all you can see is a big white box then in order to play you'll need to install Flash. But if you're a regular here then you knew that already.

25 comments:

  1. That's hilarious, Underling! Thank you very much for sharing this and for the huge amount of work which surely went into creating this game! :-)

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  2. Thanks, Kaelah!

    This was indeed a lot of work, although ironically what took the most time was trying to downgrade Flash's naturally smooth lines and animations into something with more of a retro look.

    You'll notice I included a German team just for you and Ludwig ;). Actually, I chose my countries based on those that provide the most hits to the blog.

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  3. This is great! I could get hooked! Yet another reason to be punished...
    Maybe you should marked this...

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    1. Thanks, Jim. If you don't want to be caught playing this, it's difficult being discreet. Even with the sound turned down, someone's likely to ask why you're frantically stabbing at your keyboard!

      As for marketing, nothing I do is for money (other than the day job, which isn't half as much fun). And if I was going to sell this I'd have to spend a lot more time debugging it ;).

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  4. Team GB just got a gold at Couch Potato level. That's harder than it looks. Thanks :)

    Prefectdt

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    1. Thank you, P. I don't find the Couch Potato level too much of a challenge (although the later rounds of Spanker Elite are seriously hard work!) There is a 'cheating' technique you can use, but I'm not saying what it is ;).

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  5. Haha!! Very nice : )
    A bit too repetitive (as spanking is). It's just fun to have one or two tries I think.
    You are very good at programming, it must have taken hours and hours of work!! But it's so unique it will keep popping up on internet for years

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    1. Repetitive? Pah - they said that about Tetris!

      Seriously, It's a brief amusing diversion only of course - one or two tries is probably about right. As for my progamming,it's actually shockingly bad. If you saw the code for this you'd be astonished it works at all - I must be more organised next time.

      I don't actually think this will get around. People tend not to repost Flash content because it can't just be instantly copied and pasted, but of course I'd love to see this embedded on other blogs. If anyone else wants to host it, just let me know and I'll give you the few lines of html code you'd need.

      Cheers, Alex!

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    2. I would LOVE to host this! I don't know how to do techy stuff, but please email me at ana_stasia at yahoo dot com if you're willing to share. Thank you!

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    3. Hi there, Ana. I looked into it and unfortunately since your (rather wonderful!) blog is on Wordpress, I think we're out of luck. They're not Flash-friendly, apparently... :(

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  6. Wow, this is great. What excellent work, mr. underling. How very funny!

    My husband Evan told me about your blog: it's wonderful. The art work is lovely. I hope that you get some genuine bare bottom treatment yourself every now and then. Boys like you need it.

    Yours sincerely,

    Deirdre

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    1. Thanks Deirdre, and welcome! Evan is obviously a man of impeccable taste, and not only because he's married to you ;).

      I've also been enjoying checking out your blog, and I'll add look forward to adding it to my new improved blogroll.

      As for 'Boys like you need it'... you certainly know how to make a spanko guy tingle!

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  7. OMG!!!!

    I am falling over with laughter. This is beyond hysterical. I am going to post about it and link to you. (Btw, Kaelah sent me here.)

    This is SO great!

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    1. Ana, thank you for the kind words and for referencing me on your blog - it's really appreciated! And I'm getting a kick out of seeing some new 'faces' in here. :)

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  8. And Ana sent me here. ;)

    Thank you for the great game! You are a very clever boy and I shall add you to my links forthwith. If not sooner.

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    1. Thank you, Penny, and a warm welcome to you too. :)

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  9. that was fun. probably after another few goes at it my timing will get better. thanks Underling

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    1. Thanks, Tommy. Don't try too hard though. I had to play for hours to try (unsuccessfully) to iron out all the bugs. It doesn't get that much easier, but you will end up with sore fingers! ;)

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  10. Very witty: you found out the game only, but let everybody play for his/her own responsibility

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    1. Thank you, croma. I do like a bit of audience participation!

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  11. Thanks very much. Your very creative. i wish there was professionally made version with a few more variables

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    1. Cheers, Anon. Let me know what other variables you'd like to see and I may be able to oblige!

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  12. I couldn't resist paddling those bare bottoms! I wanted so very much to dive through the monitor and be pushed over those knees, stripped down and spanked so very very hard. Faster and faster I spanked, those bare buns getting redder and redder - you did a wonderful job! OOOH- I just found your post "One Hand Clapping" under Hand Spanking - hot hot hot - on the way over. I tried to add my profile pic here but no luck :(

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  13. Now if you could only put this in the Winter Olympics, I would love to compete for my country.

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    1. We can only hope a member of the Olympic Committee will stop by here and be inspired, Mondoro.

      Maybe competitive spanking could replace the cross-country skiing - nobody watches that, do they?

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