The Politics of Spanking

So it seems that we can't even manage to run an election in the UK these days - hundreds of people were left still queueing outside the polling stations last Thursday evening when the clock struck ten and voting closed.

For the unfortunates who missed out on the day, I bring you Underling's Second Chance Election. Admittedly this is a very localised affair: all three ladies are standing in the little-known constituency of Pantsdown & Redbottom, where the hot political issue is the anti-social behaviour blighting the area.

Please be a good citizen and use your vote to decide who ought to be in charge. The poll's over there on the right. You can choose according to your party leanings, or which candidate you think is best equipped to do the job. For those of you who didn't get the result you wanted last week, this is also a chance to try your luck again. Best of all, you can vote from the comfort of your own home, there's no queueing, and polling is open for a whole seven days. Heck, you don't even need to be British to take part.

Now, I have tried hard to make this as like the real thing as possible. For one, there's little to choose between the candidates - all three are bringing similar policies to bear - and secondly, whatever the outcome, eventually the constituents are going to end up getting spanked. In fact whichever of these ladies is elected to parliament, I predict fewer safe seats all round!