'This Is Not What It Looks Like...'

...except, of course, that it is. You know it, and they know it, and now you've got some 'splaining to do.

I think it's safe to say that nearly all of us have felt awkward about our kink at some point. For most of us it started as a closely guarded secret, and for many it still is.

After living with this peculiar obsession pretty much all my life, I'm still fairly private about it. I'm happily chatting, meeting and playing with like-minded people, but I'm by no means ready for that conversation with 'regular' friends and family - and it's quite possible I never will be. I guess realistically this only gives me an 'outed-ness rating' of about 10%, since being accepted by your fellow kinksters ain't too much of a challenge!

That said, there have been some close calls and minor revelations over the years, and that's the topic of today's post.

One event that comes to mind for me occurred not long after I'd started living with my first long-term girlfriend (cue wavy 'flashback' visual effect). Ours was a very 'vanilla' relationship, but fun and fulfilling - and I didn't want to scare her with this spanko stuff, so I kept it quiet and limited my indulgence to the occasional trading of playful swats. And 'normal' couples do that too, right? Anyway, early one morning I had an errand to run and I'd left her in bed. I'd also left, inadvertently, an erotic paperback book lying around that until that point I'd had safely hidden away. It was probably nothing that would shock today's '50 Shades' generation - just something from the top shelf of a rail station bookseller featuring, if I remember rightly, a girls' college where the young ladies were subject to the regular use of cane and strap by a cheerfully sadistic headmistress. Or some such improbable but delicious scenario.

I realised my indiscretion before I could get home, but was hoping I'd return to find my other half still snuggled under the duvet - which I did, but apparently she'd been up and about in the meantime.

'Hello,' says I.

'Hello,' says she. 'Interesting book you have there. You like that kind of thing?'

I'm quite sure I flushed a deep crimson, and I'm ashamed to say I think I may have blurted out that horrible old cliché about just being 'curious'. Of course that was never going to be sufficient explanation, but luckily kisses are a good distraction tool. I do remember that a minute later I was back in bed, engaged in the kind of vigorous lovemaking that is not only a lot of fun but encourages girlfriends to forget to ask any more needless questions about boring old books. As it happens, I also remember that as some of the best sex we'd ever had. Who knows - perhaps I did find it a turn-on to have been 'discovered'.

Now this being real life, there was no glorious revelation that she too had only been waiting for the right moment to confess a similar disciplinary obsession. We weren't destined to grow old together while spanking one another silly. But nor did she threaten to call the police, or pack her bags, or move into the spare room. We simply carried on as before, until our relationship had run its natural course, and every now and again she'd tease me about my little predilection - but I never did reveal its full extent. I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if I had. Certainly I'd never make the mistake again of hiding something from a partner that was such an important part of me.

So, that's me, but I'm sure lots of you have similar anecdotes about your little predilections first being revealed, or nearly being revealed, whether deliberately or by accident - and I'm hoping you'll share them. Was it to a friend, partner, colleague, family member? How did he or she react? Did you make excuses, cover it up, or come clean? And I guess most interestingly: did you regret it, or did it - as I'm suspecting is sometimes the case - turn out to be a huge weight off your mind?



I've done a little recycling to illustrate this post. The animation is an updated version of one I briefly had up a long time ago, to advertise a fun short film I was working on with a spanko sitcom theme. It doesn't 'do' anything yet, I'm afraid, so don't bother clicking around! :) I'm using it because it fits the topic and also because I've just returned to that project, this time determined to finish it - and I'm going to need some people to do the voices for Madeleine and Scott. My first choices would have been Angelina and Brad, but strangely their agents have yet to get back to me. So if any of you have voice acting skills and want to get involved, I'd love to hear from you.

Oh, and if you can't see the animation then you may need to go and get Flash.