From This Day Forward

For the most part, it was a fairly conventional wedding. The promise of obedience, usually omitted from the modern day vows, might have raised a few eyebrows - especially as it was made by the groom - but it drew only approving nods from the female members of both families.

As the main part of the ceremony drew to a close, the Reverend Helen Green asked that children be escorted out of the church and driven ahead to the reception venue, while the remaining congregation turned to the backs of their service books. "These additional vows are not taken by all couples," she explained, "but I'm very pleased to see that they are gaining popularity."

Turning with a smile to the groom, she asked: "Peter, will you accept your wife's direction in all things? Will you patiently and without complaint submit to her discipline, however severe, and be always grateful for her loving correction?"

The young man's affirmation was loud and clear, although he could not quite keep a small tremor from his voice: "I will."

"Good boy," said the Reverend, prompting chuckles from the pews.

Addressing the bride, she asked: "Joanna, will you fulfill your wifely duty of teaching Peter right from wrong? Will you tirelessly and unflinchingly apply the rod of correction to encourage him along the righteous path?"

There was no tremor of uncertainty in the bride's response - in fact there was a distinct smile in her voice. "Oh, I will".

"Good for you," murmured the Reverend, with a wink, before once more turning to the assembled audience. "It only remains for Joanna and Peter to 'seal the deal', so to speak. Just as the exchanging of the rings symbolises their commitment of love, so this final little ritual demonstrates Peter's submission to female discipline within his marriage. Ladies?"

On cue, the two bridesmaids stepped forward and positioned Peter between them. Nimble fingers loosened his jacket buttons and his belt. Emma Mills had been in Peter's class at school and had not forgotten his relentless teasing - she firmly gripped his wrists behind him, and took the opportunity to whisper to him while Hannah Beale worked eagerly at his trousers. "Congratulations, Pete - you've got yourself exactly the woman you need. And I'm really pleased Hanna and I get to be first to hand over our present. It was the hardest, heaviest, stingiest one we could find." She leaned even closer, and Peter could feel her warm breath in his ear. "Ouchie", she said.

Hannah, after an unabashed peek into Peter's underwear, looked up with a grin. "Mmm. She's not done so badly herself, Em. I wouldn't mind spending my wedding night making use of this."

A few yards away, Reverend Green was presenting the matrimonial paddle, on its small blue cushion, to the waiting bride. "Good and hard, dear," she advised. "Start as you mean to go on. I should think six will be the right number - enough to keep your guests happy, but not so many as to keep them from their dinner. In any case," she said, "there's no need to overdo it today. You have the rest of your lives together."