A One And Five Noughts

While I was away celebrating the yuletide holiday, one of you left me an extra Christmas present - the 100,000th visit to this blog's 'home page' since I started counting back in June.

Now this figure looks pretty puny in comparison to some sites out there. But it's still equivalent to the entire population of Grenada stopping by (or maybe just one scarily obsessive Grenadian visiting every 3 minutes for the last 6 months).

Nor is this the whole story. If I count views of all pages rather than just the main URL, then I'm averaging about a thousand per day when the blog is only ticking over - and double that on the days when I actually make the effort to post something :).

In one sense these are all just numbers - but they represent real people, the like-minded travellers who are the life blood of any site, and the fulfilment of an ambition I never knew I had. I didn't dream until recently that I might carve a little place for myself in this community - that people might end up collecting my work in the same way that I've greedily consumed that of other spanking artists over the years, and that some of those same artists I still hold in awe might be chatting to me by email!

So thank you for the hits so far - I'm already looking forward (if I live that long) to adding another zero!

By the way - there should be a little animation at the top of this post, in celebration of the 100K thing. If you can't see it and you want to, you'll need to go and get Flash Player. The movie includes a bit of sound that you can turn on and off - I've left it off by default, just in case you're browsing the site at work or something.

God, you're not browsing the site at work, are you? ;)

Red Butts Roasting 'Neath An Open Palm

I must apologise for that post title. It's pretty terrible. If it's any consolation, I'd also considered 'Yule' Be Sorry, Season's Beatings and Rudeness Brings Red-assed Pain, Dear.

My excuse for all that punishable punning is of course that it's that time of year - and here's my slightly early gift to all of you. I would tell you not to open it before December 25th, but - oh, you already have.

I actually surprised myself by throwing this picture together over about three days rather than my usual several weeks: either it was the incentive provided by a looming date, or I'm starting to get the hang of this. Our heroine is in her panties again, I'm afraid (not that many of you seem to mind). I'm thinking if my underwear obsession gets any worse, I may have to rename the site Underling's Underthings!

Anyway, this seems a good moment to say a heartfelt thank you for your support in 2010. I've had a wonderful time keeping the blog, and I'm truly grateful for all the encouragement you've given me over the last ten months or so. If I can be allowed a little seasonal sappiness: I love you guys.

I'm not really one for new year's resolutions, but I will try to post more often in 2011. Meanwhile, to all you humble underlings, your overlords and ladies and loved ones, my warmest wishes for a fun and relaxing holiday. And may you get everything you've been asking for ;).

Straight To The Action?

If you've ever said to yourself - and let's face it, who hasn't? - 'I wish I could see all of Underling's pictures in one place, instead of having to wade through the tedious ramblings in his blog' - then look no further than 'my' page on the Spanking Art Wiki. Most of my artwork ends up there at some point - and the best thing is, because those nice people at SAW are ridiculously generous with their bandwidth, everything I've uploaded to that site is completely uncompressed. That means the images are cleaner and sharper than the versions you'll see here on the blog - they just don't arrive there so soon.

Check it out, if you haven't already, but promise you'll come back when you're done because it'd get lonely here without you.

Anyway, while reviewing the wiki page an odd thing occurred to me. In the fourteen months or so that I've been creating pictures for the web, I reckon I've only produced thirteen 'proper' drawings. But shocking though that is, it's not the really suprising thing - you knew already what a slowcoach I am. No, what really struck me was that of all the pictures I've drawn, only two feature ACTUAL SPANKING. Have a look if you don't believe me.

Sure, there are plenty of red bottoms and faces, anxious expressions, evil smirks and brandishing of implements. But where's the action? The pop of the paddle? The swish of the cane?

Even the stories I've written tend not to dwell on the actual whupping. Some of them even end before it begins.

I think the real reason that spanking itself takes a back seat is that I'm so obsessed with everything that surrounds it - the ritual, I guess. I could look at a picture of nothing more than a woman flexing a cane with a particular expression on her face, or read a story consisting entirely of someone threatening a spanking, and still get massively turned on.

So am I alone in this? Are most people impatient to get to the action, or are there other particular little things about a scene that really push your buttons - maybe even more so than the spanking itself?

Do let me know!

From This Day Forward

For the most part, it was a fairly conventional wedding. The promise of obedience, usually omitted from the modern day vows, might have raised a few eyebrows - especially as it was made by the groom - but it drew only approving nods from the female members of both families.

As the main part of the ceremony drew to a close, the Reverend Helen Green asked that children be escorted out of the church and driven ahead to the reception venue, while the remaining congregation turned to the backs of their service books. "These additional vows are not taken by all couples," she explained, "but I'm very pleased to see that they are gaining popularity."

Turning with a smile to the groom, she asked: "Peter, will you accept your wife's direction in all things? Will you patiently and without complaint submit to her discipline, however severe, and be always grateful for her loving correction?"

The young man's affirmation was loud and clear, although he could not quite keep a small tremor from his voice: "I will."

"Good boy," said the Reverend, prompting chuckles from the pews.

Addressing the bride, she asked: "Joanna, will you fulfill your wifely duty of teaching Peter right from wrong? Will you tirelessly and unflinchingly apply the rod of correction to encourage him along the righteous path?"

There was no tremor of uncertainty in the bride's response - in fact there was a distinct smile in her voice. "Oh, I will".

"Good for you," murmured the Reverend, with a wink, before once more turning to the assembled audience. "It only remains for Joanna and Peter to 'seal the deal', so to speak. Just as the exchanging of the rings symbolises their commitment of love, so this final little ritual demonstrates Peter's submission to female discipline within his marriage. Ladies?"

On cue, the two bridesmaids stepped forward and positioned Peter between them. Nimble fingers loosened his jacket buttons and his belt. Emma Mills had been in Peter's class at school and had not forgotten his relentless teasing - she firmly gripped his wrists behind him, and took the opportunity to whisper to him while Hannah Beale worked eagerly at his trousers. "Congratulations, Pete - you've got yourself exactly the woman you need. And I'm really pleased Hanna and I get to be first to hand over our present. It was the hardest, heaviest, stingiest one we could find." She leaned even closer, and Peter could feel her warm breath in his ear. "Ouchie", she said.

Hannah, after an unabashed peek into Peter's underwear, looked up with a grin. "Mmm. She's not done so badly herself, Em. I wouldn't mind spending my wedding night making use of this."

A few yards away, Reverend Green was presenting the matrimonial paddle, on its small blue cushion, to the waiting bride. "Good and hard, dear," she advised. "Start as you mean to go on. I should think six will be the right number - enough to keep your guests happy, but not so many as to keep them from their dinner. In any case," she said, "there's no need to overdo it today. You have the rest of your lives together."

Dinner And A Show

Jeff gazed forlornly at the plate of linguine that was gently steaming on the table before him - as it had been, untouched, for the last five minutes. The waiter had already approached to ask if everything was alright with his order, and had left with a shrug. Sue and Helen, who sat with Jeff and his wife Jenny, were now lost in enjoying their own food and gossip; but they'd been puzzled by the exchange between the couple as the plates had arrived. His doubtful "Sweetheart...?" had been met with an equally cryptic response: "No, not just yet. I think you can give us a little head start, dear. You always wolf your food anyway - this way we can all finish together." And so Jeff had sat miserably listening to the chatter of the three female friends, imagining but not experiencing the taste of his rapidly cooling meal. He hadn't wanted to come to the restaurant anyway. He had little time for Jenny's companions - Helen, the well-meaning but airheaded neighbour, and Sue, the gorgeous but acid-tongued cousin who always seemed to delight in putting him down.

On and on the women's conversation went: scandals in the neighbourhood, plots of soaps, and, although Jeff tried hard not to listen, lascivious discussion of the cute boy who had recently joined his wife's firm and was working directly under her. "Really quite beautiful," Jenny was saying, "and the tightest little tush you've ever seen. I could spend all day just having him retrieve things from the bottom of the filing cabinet. Sadly he's also lazy as hell. Most of his time is spent pathetically flirting, and trying to get a glimpse up my skirt. If he doesn't buck his ideas up soon, he may just find himself draped across my knee."

"Seriously?" asked a wide-eyed Helen.

"No, silly. Oh, given the opportunity I would love to bare that pert little behind, but sadly I gather my employer frowns on that sort of thing. Thank God the rules are a little different at home - aren't they, Jeffie?"

Jeff managed a tight half smile, but felt his face flush crimson. He hated the childish pet name; he hated the fact that Jenny used it deliberately to belittle him; and most of all, he hated it when she brought up the topic of discipline in public. His eyes fixed on his forbidden food, he was aware even so that the women's chatter had stopped and all three were regarding him expectantly. Jeff's fingers twisted the hem of the tablecloth as he pleaded inwardly with his wife: just change the subject. Please, please, please let it go.

But of course she would not.

"Jeff, You've been sitting there like a sulky little boy since we got here. If you want to be allowed that pasta before dessert arrives, kindly have the courtesy to respond when someone tries to involve you in the conversation."

Jeff's eyes flicked up to meet her cruelly amused gaze. "Yes, dear. The rules are different at home."

"Indeed they are - as you'll be reminded as soon as we get there, since I don't like your tone. For now, you'd better start. And don't take too long," Jenny mused, scanning the menu. "We girls are looking forward to our tiramisu."

Helen could no longer contain her curiosity. "Jen, what rules? And why hasn't Jeff been eating?"

Oh Jesus, thought Jeff. He kept his head down, and busied himself shovelling lukewarm pasta into his mouth and chewing it with gusto. Anything to avoid having to take part in the coming discussion.

Jenny smiled mildly. "My husband is in disgrace, Helen. He contrived to stay out all night last week following an after-work drink. No phone call. No excuse. So this week he is learning that if he can't be trusted with adult privileges, those privileges will be taken away from him. Specifically, until the end of tomorrow, he must ask my permission before doing a lot of the things responsible grown-ups take for granted."

"He needs permission to eat?" Helen didn't look convinced.

"Until yesterday, no - only to watch TV, or use the internet, or get a beer from the fridge. Unfortunately there were some slips even with those simple limitations, so I've had to restrict him further. Just to reinforce the message."

"I still don't get it," Helen persisted, her brow knotted in confusion. "I mean, how can you even stop him?"

"Stop him? My dear Helen, the same way we stop any naughty boy from misbehaving if he doesn't respond to verbal correction."

Helen's mouth opened and then closed. She glanced from Jeff to Jenny and back again. "Oh, my," she said.

"Oh, my, indeed," chuckled Sue, whose eyes had been widening along with her grin. "Well, Jen - I knew you kept him on a short leash, but this is a fascinating revelation. No wonder he can't seem to sit still this evening." She leaned over so that even with his head down, Jeff had to acknowledge her. "Does little Jeffie get his little bottie warmed at home? Does his strict wife put him across her knee and give him a good smacking?"

Jenny laughed. "Only for the minor offences!"

"Well in that case, you must tell us about the major ones!"

"Jeff? Care to describe to Sue how we spent Saturday morning after you'd finally rolled home?"

"Not really."

"Oh, come on, now. I'm sure it's still fresh in your mind. That was you, wasn't it, stripped bare, on all fours on the coffee table, with your knees spread nice and wide? Tail on fire? Sobbing please, honey, no more? I doubt you've forgotten that strapping already, given that I had you squealing loud enough to wake the dead."

Sue sighed theatrically. "And to think my only entertainment that morning was watching reruns on TV. I really must pop over more often." She reached over and gripped Jeff's hand in mock conciliation. "Did it hurt quite terribly, Jeffery? Being whupped, I mean? Being thrashed good and hard by your wife? Waggling that saucy, red raw bottom in the air?"

"Excuse me. I need to use the bathroom."

"I'm sorry?" Sue was warming to the theme. "I think you meant to say: Jenny, my loving disciplinarian, may I please leave the table to go pee-pee?"

Even Helen giggled at this, although a little uncomfortably, while Jenny guffawed in delight. "Susan Harris, we really must get you paired up one of these days. You'll make someone a wonderful wife. Jeff, I'm tempted to make you sit there and hold it, but we don't want any accidents. You can go..." - Jeff began to stand - "...after you've answered Sue's question."

Jeff forced himself to look straight into Sue's beautiful but wicked face: head cocked, one eyebrow raised, lips pursed into a mocking smirk. "Yes, Sue. It hurt like hell, and still does. Thank you so much for asking." Then he turned on his heel and stalked away from the table, leaving an ominous silence in his wake.

Alone in the bathroom, Jeff locked the door behind him and put his back against it. He was dizzy with humiliation. This is the point in a movie, he thought, where the hero makes his escape by squeezing through the window and sprinting off into the night. But that hero is the victim of kidnappers, on a quest to evade his captors, double back and rescue his imperilled girlfriend. He is not a pussy-whipped husband whose wife keeps a well-oiled razor strop hanging under the stairs. Gingerly he ran a finger across the seat of his chinos. He swore he could still feel every welt from Saturday. It was a relief just to be standing up for a few minutes. He used the urinal, splashed water on his face, slicked his hair down, adjusted his shirt collar. When he could delay no longer, he made his way back to the table. His wife and the hateful Sue were once again in animated conversation, but Helen was nowhere to be seen.

"She had to head off," explained Jenny coolly. "Suddenly remembered something she has to do before tomorrow. And Sue has just realised she's had one glass of Chardonnay too many, so we'll leave her car here and she can stay with us for the night. You can pull out the futon in the guest room and she can sleep on that. Oh, that will be after you've bent yourself over it, so I can demonstrate to my cousin here how bare bottomed young men are taught manners in our house. Lucky there's no work tomorrow, because I think it's going to be a late night for all of us."

Across the table, Sue rested her chin on her hands and watched Jeff's expression with shining eyes. "What a naughty girl I am, drinking too much to drive home. Whatever is to be done with me? It's a good thing I'm Jenny's cousin and not her husband, or I might be the one sleeping on my stomach tonight!" She stuck out her bottom lip in a pretence of hurt feelings. "Oh Jeff, why the long face, sweetie? Anyone would think you didn't want me stopping over. But it would be a pity to end the evening so early, wouldn't it? This way I get to finish the day in my favourite way," she said. "Dinner and a show. Now - who's for tiramisu?"

Meet Diana - Desktop Disciplinarian

If you've visited some of the same dubious websites as me - and I bet you have, you naughty people - you've probably seen advertisements for virtual women who 'strip' on your computer desktop. Now I've never been tempted to download any of those animations, but I thought I'd try and produce something along the same lines for the spanko computer user in all of us. If your browser is running an up-to-date version of Adobe Flash Player, hopefully you're looking at her right now in all her panty wearing, paddle wielding, cartoon glory. If all you can see is a big blank space, sorry - it's probably because you're not running Flash.

Truth be told, Diana doesn't do that much yet but I hope you'll enjoy her just the same - and I hope you'll suggest how I might develop her further. Maybe we ought to expand her wardrobe for a start! By the way, I know she's pretty small. If you right-click over the animation you should be able to zoom in for a better look.

What's that? You want to put your desktop disciplinarian on your desktop? Well, it can be done if you're running certain versions of Windows, including XP (apologies to users of other systems). But there are a few steps involved, so I'll save that for another post. If anyone does want a Desktop Diana in a hurry, let me know and I'll forward you some guidelines.

Meanwhile, since we're on the topic of corrective cartoon characters - are there any who you think would make good spankers? I'm struggling to come up with them.

Marge Simpson? Nah, she's more of an appeaser.

Wilma Flintstone, maybe.

Ooh, what's the name of that girl in Futurama? The one with a single eye in the middle of her face? I can definitely see her dishing it out. Ohh, yeah.

Definitely.

Love Our Lurkers Day 5

Today is LOL day!

Organised by Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts, it's an opportunity to honour our 'lurkers' - the many visitors who tiptoe in and out of our sites unannounced - and at the same time to encourage them to be a bit less, well, lurkery. :)

I really do appreciate all the visits I get here. It's great to think that hundreds of people pass through every day from all over the world. But best of all is opening up my blog and finding a comment or two, or a new follower - it's the difference between having a pretty girl smile at you on the bus, and having her sit down next to you and say hello.

So whether you're a long term visitor or this is your first time, I'd love it if you took the opportunity to speak up by adding a comment to this post.
A blog is nothing without an audience, so tell me what you like and don't like, and help shape the future of the site - or just say hiya, and let me know you're out there!

You can be as anonymous as you like - you don't need an account to contribute here - but please do sign off with a first name/ nickname/ pseudonym so that I can send a hello right back atcha. Of course all my regular contributors are also encouraged to join in the fun.

Thank you, and welcome! :)

Lurkers, Feel The Love!

Many of you will already be familiar with My Bottom Smarts, one of those spanking blogs that seem to act as hubs for the entire community. Bonnie, who runs MBS, hosts a huge blogroll and is a tireless promoter of other people's sites. She also provides regular features like her Spanko Brunch, a weekly virtual gathering of bloggers and visitors where a given topic is thrown open for discussion.

Bonnie's piece de resistance, however, is the organising of the 'Love Our Lurkers' day, in its 5th iteration this year and thus known as 'LOL V'. LOL is dedicated to the huge silent majority of people who regularly visit spanking-themed blogs, but rarely (if ever) leave a comment or otherwise make themselves known. We'd love not only to thank our lurkers, but also to 'meet' as many of you as possible, by having you comment on or become followers of our blogs on or around LOL day - it's Thursday October 21st. All participating bloggers will make a special post on that day inviting lurkers to introduce themselves - and Bonnie will link to those posts.

So please don't be shy - drop in and say hello next week, and meanwhile check out Bonnie's post for more details.

Since this is Underling's Humblings first year, this is as new to me as it will be to many of you. Should be fun!

To Have And To Scold

I was thinking about how the act of marriage has moved on over the last few decades. We have gay weddings, which were long overdue. We have dog weddings, which probably were not. People get married in hot air balloons, dressed as Star Wars characters, under water (although seldom all at the same time). Why not an 'official' wedding ceremony for female-led relationship lifestylers?

And then I realised there's really no need for one. After all, once the necessary legal stuff is covered off couples don't have to limit themselves to the traditional vows - many write their own.

So let's imagine that you're going to tie the knot with an FLR partner - or for those of you already married to one, that you're going to do it again. And let's say (just because we can) that all of this is viewed as perfectly normal, and even Great Aunt Harriet will be smiling approvingly throughout the proceedings rather than fainting on the spot.

How would you adapt the marriage vows to reflect your relationship? What changes would you make to the wedding ritual? Oh, and what would be on your gift list? ;)

Round Numbers

Just a quick post to say I noticed today that I've had 50,000 hits to this main page alone, since I started counting in June. So thanks, everyone, for all your visits. I honestly never thought the blog could do so well.

I suppose properly I ought to wait until 100,000 to celebrate, but you know, any excuse for a party.

Now imagine if I got a couple more followers to make that up to 50. That'd present a nice symmetry, don't you think? Come on now, don't be shy! I had thought about offering a prize to the 50th follower. But then nobody would want to be number 49. :)

Do I Really Believe In This Stuff?

We all know that not everything on the web is what it seems. Boys pretend to be girls. Girls pretend to be boys. Some of them probably blog about spanking partners that don't, strictly speaking, exist. And you know what? I think that's cool. Fantasy is what I do.

But I don't want to mislead anybody here. While 'Underling' inhabits a universe ruled by paddle-happy women, his real world alter ego - yours truly - has a more mundane existence. God knows I love to spend an hour or two bare bottom up over a female lap, and I'm no stranger to the slipper, strap and cane. I'm a card carrying, bona fide F/M discipline addict and I've had the bruises and welts to prove it. Yet I'm not in a regular DD relationship, and I don't think I want to be. Although I salute those of you who are, and who are making it work, I'd guess - and this is purely a personal thing - that I'd last maybe a day in that kind of situation before getting stroppy and saying it wasn't funny any more.

Nor am I actually pushing any kind of political or social agenda. While I'm genuinely fascinated by the themes depicted in my artwork and writing, I hope it's no surprise that I don't really think men should be routinely stripped or spanked without their consent - not in real life. Believe it or not, I'm an equality-loving, abuse-hating, 'normal' kind of guy who happens to find the idea of a female-dominant society incredibly erotic. And I hope, whether you're male or female, gay or straight or bi, tranvestite, transgender,living the dream or happy with the dream itself, that the material I share here pushes your buttons in the same way as it does mine. That really is the only connection I ask, and it's what this blog lives for.

So, on to the results of last week's poll which asked which spanking pairings were of interest to you. More than two hundred of you took part, for which I'm very grateful. Sadly, but as predicted, only a small minority of those were ladies - but on the bright side, I still had more female participants than I'd expected. I'm assuming that all of you 'special girls' with cocks under your frocks - yes, I see you lurking over there in the 'Followers' section! - voted according to your physical appendages rather than the content of your wardrobes. ;)

Overall I was quite surprised by how F/M-biased most of the readership is. While there's certainly some interest in other pairings - especially where the dominant party is still a woman - I'd have guessed tastes would be more wide ranging than they actually are. One thing that's abundantly clear is that (unlike me) very few of you are fans of mano y mano discipline. It'd be interesting to see what the results would be if a similar poll was run on an M/F site, or better still a gender neutral one. Perhaps if you own such a site you'd like to oblige!

By the way, one of the reasons I ran the poll was that I've been thinking about doing a little artwork featuring female spankees. It won't appear on this site - that would be sacrilege :) - but if I do, I'll let you know where to find it!

Questions, Questions, Questions

Two posts in two days. Almost like a real blog!

I don't want to distract you from voting in yesterday's polls (over on the right), so please do keep doing that. The figures are shaping up to be very interesting already. But I did want to refer you to an interview that Carmenica Diaz were kind enough to do with me recently. For anyone who's curious to learn a bit more about my artwork, you might find it interesting.

Please do take the time to browse the site and say hello to the owner while you're there.

The interview is right here.

Enjoy!

Boys Who Beat Girls who Beat Girls Who Beat Boys

Now I know you lot are into F/M spanking, otherwise you wouldn't be here - unless you've accidently stumbled across this site while looking for something completely unrelated, in which case I can only apologise and suggest you keep hitting the 'back' button until you make it to safety.

Still there? Good. OK, what I'm really curious to know is which other dominant/ submissive pairings you like, and how they reflect your own gender (if at all). So it's poll time!

Please pick all the options that apply to you. I'm not asking about any relationship you currently have - rather, which couplings push your buttons.

I have a feeling the polls will show that the vast majority of visitors are male, but beyond that - who knows?

I'll kick things off to break the ice. I'm male, and although F/M is my first love I enjoy all the other pairings too.

The polls are there on the right. Over to you!

Table Service

Conversation had ceased among the diners at the 'Queen Bee'. Even those patrons who had missed the spilling of the wine, and the outraged protest of Emmeline Hathaway - the restaurant's most prestigious client - had finally been distracted by the unmistakeable sound of a spanking in progress, and thence by the astonishing sight of its half-naked and cringing recipient.

It was only Tony Mendez's second week as a waiter, but already he had earned a reputation for clumsiness and a number of very public tongue lashings from head waitress Julia Mills. This latest incident - especially since it involved such a well known and highly valued customer - had stretched her patience to breaking point. Within moments the young man had found himself stripped of his apron, trousers and underpants and ordered to face the table with his elbows clasped behind his back.

Julia spanked hard and without pause, raising her voice over the sound of the slaps so that she could be heard at every table.

"I'm afraid we're just beginning, Anthony. We're going to get this bottom at least to the colour of the expensive claret you managed to throw over Miss Hathaway's dress - both of which, of course, you'll be paying for out of this month's wages. When we're done here - and we won't be until Miss Hathaway says so - you can spend the rest of the night washing up where you can do less damage. I'm going to stand you in front of the sink exactly as you are now, and I'll have a wooden spoon to hand in case I think you're not being careful enough."

At a nearby table, Helen O'Leary watched the proceedings with an approving smirk. "This reminds me, Peter," she said to her fidgeting companion. "Did you clean up the house today as I asked? Or is another naughty boy going to be having his bare bottom warmed when we get back?"

Peter O'Leary squirmed in his seat. He had been about to ask for the bill, but suddenly he was in no hurry. He had little appetite for the dessert awaiting him at home.

Another World

Film and literature are full of fantasies in which people like you and me suddenly find themselves transplanted to unfamiliar worlds: The Time Machine, Planet of the Apes, Gulliver's Travels, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. Typically these settings are far removed from what we know. We're in the distant future, or everyone else is the wrong size. Or the monkeys are in charge and, in the shape of Helena Bonham Carter, weirdly attractive. Or everyone wears a white stretch jumpsuit, and midget robots are called Twiki.

As entertaining as these stories are, I like my fantasies a little closer to home. If a guy were to fall asleep and wake up in Underling's Alternate Reality, things might at first seem perfectly normal. He reads the newspaper over breakfast, before taking the train (not a hovercar) to work. While there he sends the wrong document to a client, and in the process loses business for his company. He leaves the office at the end of the day, and stops for a drink with colleagues on the way home.

But look closer - things are different.

The paper advertises jobs at firms where all the managers are female, and motivate their male staff through the routine use of corporal punishment. Indeed this morning, on arriving late to work yet again, our hero is called into his boss's office where she delivers six firm swats of the paddle to aid his timekeeping.

Later that day, she learns of the lost contract and repeats the process at greater length.

Boarding the train that evening, slightly tipsy, he fails to move along the carriage and make space for an older lady behind him. She loudly rebukes him and slaps him, hard, on the behind. There are some smirks among the other passengers, but no-one is taken aback. He mumbles an apology and hides his scarlet face behind his evening paper, in which there is a report on the outcome of a corruption trial. The defendant was found guilty, and Judge Judy Sheindlin has sentenced him to a hundred hours of community service and fifty strokes of the cane. The date of the flogging has yet to be set, but the article mentions that it will take place in the evening so that it can be televised live on the Justice Channel after the watershed.

Finally arriving home, our guy is met at the door by his wife. He is two hours late, dinner is cold, and the hairbrush is already in her hand.

So that's the world I'm offering. It's still Earth, in the early 21st Century. Nobody gets to fly around in spaceships. But ladies, you do get to exercise your spanking arm with every man who steps out of line. And gents, you get your bottom warmed wherever and whenever you need it - at home, at work, at the doctor's office, at the supermarket, at the drop of a hat. Doesn't that sound more exciting than white spandex, and an annoying robot going 'bidi-bidi-bidi'?

Miss Scarlett, in the Library, with the Candlestick

Or actually, the mid-forties lady, in the bedroom, with the hairbrush.

All this polling malarkey over the last couple of weeks has been a good way for me to make lots of posts without actually doing any work - but now the voting is over, and I have to make good and come up with my resulting Frankenstein's Monster of a picture. I will try to stitch the parts together without the joins being too obvious!

It's going to take a while and I have other drawings nearer completion, so it probably won't be the next thing I post. But I'll let you know when it's ready.

Meanwhile it's probably worth summing up the results, because I think they're fascinating. There's been a lot of vying for position in some of the categories, while others have had clear leaders from the start.

In terms of implements, the brush - which I hope you all took to mean 'hairbrush' rather than, say, 'toothbrush' - proved hugely popular. I'm not suprised by this since I think it's the ultimate F/M implement - inherently feminine, equally good at driving out tangles and bad behaviour, and capable of delivering a wicked sting. Next up, but a long way behind, was the good old paddle. Nice to see that everything got at least one vote, and apologies again that I forgot to include the hand - I'm sure that would have had a lot of support.

For dress, you generally like your extremes. Although a fair few people wanted the lady to take at least something off, most of you thought she should be fully clothed. Less ambiguity when it comes to her victim - a huge majority want him bare naked, but with enough votes for underwear that I'll bear that in mind for a future pic. I didn't word this poll too well, but I'm going to assume that those clamouring for nudity won't mind a bit of clothing so long as it's pulled well down - especially since there was some specific mention of that in the comments.

Moving onto ages, it looked for a while as though you wanted the lady to be a little older - but this has gradually flattened out. For the men, it's striking what an even spread of votes we have. There's actually a dead heat between the two most popular age ranges, so I'll just have to choose one. I was pleased to see a few votes for sixties and seventies, since I'm sure many visitors are in those age groups - and 'silver spankos' are not well represented in artwork.

Thank you again for all the votes, and keep an eye out for the finished product!

Mix Your Own - Setting The Scene

Happy Friday, everyone!

We've had lots of votes for customising my forthcoming picture. Thank you so much for those - it's been fun watching the trends take shape.

The final piece of the puzzle (you may be relieved to hear!) is a setting for the spanking. This is the hardest element to construct a poll for - do we base it on location? Period? Circumstances? I've decided to go for the first option as the simplest, but even so I'm sure I've missed out many possibilities - sorry about that.

Anyway, please place your votes, and feel free to drop me a line if you want to get more specific. Oh, I'll be away over the weekend - apologies if you have to wait a couple of days for me to publish and reply to comments.

Mix Your Own - Clothing, Or Lack Thereof

I'm half afraid my blog is going to collapse under the weight of active polls, but we're almost at the home straight.

Please vote for how you'd like both the disciplinarian and the disciplined to be (un)dressed in my drawing.

Got particular outfits in mind? Then don't be afraid to leave a comment. This one is all about you, so I'm open to suggestions!

Mix Your Own - Not Too Old To Go Over My Knee!

Ok, it's time to vote for which age ranges you'd like to see represented in my 'Mix Your Own' scenario. Please vote for both spanker and spankee.

Now I know that relative age will be important for some of you, but honestly I don't think I can factor that in without things getting completely out of hand :).

Mix Your Own

Anyone up for a little experiment?

My curiosity's been aroused by a post on 'Her Paddle', in which the blogmaster mentioned that most spanking art isn't quite to his taste.

This has got me wondering what are the optimal 'ingredients' of a spanking picture that would best suit the collective preferences of UH's visitors. So I'm going to run a series of polls for the next week or two to allow you to vote for your favourite implement, age groups (18+!) of spanker and spankee, state of undress, and setting. Then, based on the results, I'll draw something that may please everybody, or nobody :). Either way, I hope it will be interesting!

Let's start with implements. I've tried to make the list pretty comprehensive: if your favourite isn't shown, I apologise. Someone's already pointed out that I've omitted one of the greatest 'implements' ever - the hand. Unfortunately I can't now edit the poll. However if you don't see your weapon of choice here, feel free to leave a comment instead of voting, and I'll factor it in.

The poll's over there on the right.

Come On Back, Y'all

Just a brief post to celebrate the first 10,000 visits to this blog since I started counting last month. Thank you to everybody who's stopped by, and especially those of you who've taken the time to say hello.

I'll do my very best to keep things interesting around here, and you keep coming back.

Deal? :)

Caught Peeping

Another fortnight-and-a-bit, another new picture. I'm not being too tardy, am I?

By the way, if I seem to have developed a bit of a lingerie fetish recently, well - there's actually nothing recent about it! All I can say in my defence is, it's hot work thrashing a deserving young man on a summer's day.

I've noticed that while I quite like the stronger, darker colours I've used here, Blogger's image compression doesn't like them one bit - hence all the ugly 'noise' on the large version. I'll see what I can do to make a nice, clean copy available to everyone.

Are You Sitting Comfortably?

Then I'll tell you a story that I wrote a while back to accompany this picture (yes, that picture again!)

It's not new to the web, but I hope it is to some of you....

LATE HOME
Even before the wedding, there had been signs. Jim already knew that Alice's delicate looks disguised a strong-willed, no-nonsense fiancee - she'd been raised that way by her mother Harriet, whose own husband had died soon after Alice was born. And it was typical of the older woman that she'd stood up to make a speech at the reception dinner, delighting the guests by declaring that she was "not losing a daughter, but gaining a son - and a seriously spankable one at that!"

Two months later, with Jim on a short leash and Harriet Beyer a frequent occupant of the couple's spare room, the young husband made his first serious mistake. Having overrun his curfew by several hours, he had hoped to creep into the house and slip into bed beside his sleeping wife - but Harriet had been waiting for him at the top of the stairs.

The ensuing lecture brought a bleary-eyed Alice to the bedroom door. In one hand she held the alarm clock from the bedside table: in the other was the heavy, polished walnut hairbrush that Jim recognised as a gift from her mother, famously handed down through generations of the family's women.

"What time is it, Jim?", Alice purred with a dangerous smile, directing the clock face towards his as if daring him to deny his guilt.

"Um. It's ten to four, sweetheart. I got..."

"...so what is it time FOR... SWEETHEART?"

Harriet Beyer provided the answer to that one: "A little lesson in responsibility, I think."

The three of them filed back into the bedroom, Harriet pressing rather too close behind her son-in-law as though to discourage any thoughts of escape - "in my own damned house", thought Jim bitterly, although he made no attempt to resist. He saw that Alice had already dragged the big round pouffe from its usual place under the dressing table to the foot of the bed. Now she made herself comfortable upon it, and in spite of himself Jim felt a twinge of arousal as the thin yellow nightdress rode up her spreading thighs. If she was aware of this distraction, Alice did not acknowledge it. "Shoes. Socks. Jeans. Right now."

His face burning, Jim removed each item in turn under the unabashed gaze of both women. Then he stood before them shifting his feet, his hands fluttering vaguely in front of his crotch.

"I think we'll have those off too", said Harriet matter-of-factly. Jim stared at her dumbly for a moment. "Your UNDERPANTS, little man; I'll take care of them for you. When we're done here you can ask me nicely for them back, and if I think you're sorry enough then maybe I'll let you have them." Jim shot a pleading look at his wife, but got only a smirk of approval in response. With a strange sense of detachment, he slid his briefs down and off, and placed them in Harriet's outstretched hand.

"Now that", said Alice, almost merrily, "looks like a young man ready for his spanking. Over you go."

As Jim lowered himself awkwardly across the soft, warm lap of his beautiful wife, he felt more miserable than at any other time he could remember. If only he'd come home early. He should have been pressed up against Alice in bed right now, instead of draped half naked and humiliated across her knee with the gloating Harriet looking on and offering direction: "Further forward, Jiminy, and up on your tippy toes. I think you've done enough backsliding today already, don't you? Let's have that bare little bottom nice and high - a lady can't blister what she can't see. Alice, shall I position him properly?" And to his horror Jim felt firm hands groping beneath his hips, uncomfortably close to his groin, as he was guided into place.

"There", said Harriet, stepping back to admire the scene. "That's the perfect position for any man who needs to learn respect for a woman."

"If you're quite done, mother", Alice smiled with mock impatience, "may I discipline my husband now? I'm itching to put this hairbrush to use."

"Just one second more, darling", replied Harriet, re-positioning herself at Jim's head and firmly gripping his chin to lift his face towards hers. "If you don't mind, I think I'd like to watch the lesson sinking in."

And so, for ten long minutes the disgraced husband was forced to look into his mother-in-law's shining eyes while the hot bite of the hairbrush made him gasp and twitch and squirm. For her part, Alice loved Jim dearly - but did not, and never would, hold back from delivering a full-force spanking to remind him of his place in the world. She continued to pepper the reddening skin, laying bruise upon bruise, long after Jim's tears had begun to run down his face and over her mother's hand.

Jim did not get his underwear back that night. Once Alice had become tired and returned to bed alone, Harriet had escorted him back to her own room - "for a nice intimate chat, just the two of us" - where he would learn that his wife, despite being a formidable disciplinarian, was not the most severe of the Beyer women. Harriet had firmly shut the door behind them, and sat upon the bed coolly regarding the fidgeting young man as he tried in vain to stretch the hem of his t-shirt low enough to recover some dignity. "I don't need to tell you how proud I am of my little girl. She's grown into a proper Beyer wife. But still, she doesn't have QUITE the stamina yet to deliver the kind of incentive you so obviously need, and I'm going to start addressing that now." She eyed him patiently until his gaze met hers. "Oh, and let's not have any distractions. Take off that shirt."

Moments later, a fully naked Jim was bottom up across Harriet's lap on the guest bed, and the antique hairbrush was back at work with even greater vigour than before. The older woman showed no sympathy or concern for the already ravaged state of his bottom - in fact, she seemed to relish the bucking and squealing that the brush produced when it found a particularly tender spot. "Oh, is that super-sore, little boy? Then perhaps another... few.... swats.... right... there!"

The punishment continued for a good quarter hour before Jim was allowed a brief respite. "Perhaps I shouldn't have taken that afternoon nap", mused Harriet, who had paused to trace a fingernail across her son-in-law's scorched behind, "because now I don't feel the least bit sleepy." Jim only groaned into the tear-soaked pillow gripped between his teeth - Harriet had warned him against any yelling that might reawaken his wife. He tensed as the probing finger stroked inside his upper thigh and then followed a path back up between his swollen, trembling cheeks. "Alice and I had quite a chat while you were out for so many hours, young man. It's becoming clear that you can't be trusted by yourself, so I've offered to move in here while she's on that business trip next month."

Jim's anguished expletive was deadened by the pillow, but made Harriet smile mildly.

"I KNEW you'd be pleased. Won't it be fun playing house for two weeks, just you and I? We are going to get to know each other much, much better; you can depend on that. I'm afraid you're going to have to cancel any plans you might have had outside of work - you're going to be spending your evenings and weekends either completing the chores that Alice tells me you've been neglecting, or right here across my knee learning to be the husband my daughter deserves. Alice's father, rest his soul, was twice the man you are - but even so, he was no stranger to the business side of the brush. David's discipline was the key to a loving, happy marriage and you can count on Alice to do the same for yours. Still", mused the older woman, "that's for the future. Right now", she said, once more picking up the hairbrush, "we have the rest of the night ahead of us." Briefly, she stroked the back of the brush in circles over Jim's bottom, and the cool touch of the wood was almost soothing - but she soon tired of this tease, and again raised the wicked implement above her head.

Across the landing, Alice smiled in her sleep as a muffled, rhythmic tattoo gently invaded her dreams. The soothing beat seemed to signal that all was well with the world: and it went on, and on, and on, carrying her towards the new day.

After The Spanking

Here's the new picture I promised last week - only one day and one post late, so please don't spank me too hard :).

This one's a custom drawing for ajr, since he won the challenge way back in April to correctly identify the change I'd made to this picture. His spec left plenty to my imagination, but I really liked some of the ideas - her satisfied smile; his exhausted sobbing; the proprietary hand resting on his bottom.

Hope you like it, ajr!

I Start Counting

I finally got around to adding a visit counter.

Now, I've never been the type to crave attention - but like most bloggers, I guess, I occasionally worry that I may just be posting into a vaccum; that Underling's Humblings is off the beaten track; that when I'm not looking, cyber tumbleweeds blow across the screen. Of course polls help, and I'm almost embarrassingly grateful for every comment that appears. But judging from my own surfing habits, I'd guess that only a tiny fraction of people who drop by actually get around to casting a vote or saying hello.

Anyway, I just wanted to point out the fact - before you all go 'Hur-hur, Underling's only had like 3 visitors EVER' - that I've just added the counter today. And while I was given the option to start the tally at whatever value I wanted, I've resisted the (terribly tempting!) urge to award myself 10 squillion hits up front.

I'm not doing any kind of fancy analysis, by the way - I don't care so much where in the world people live, or which link they followed, or what keywords they used to search for the site. I'm only keen to reassure myself that there are actual people, and not just tumbleweeds, blowing through here. :)

Drawn Out Musings On Drawn-In Bruisings

Thanks for all your contributions to my last post ('What Is It About Spanking Art?'). Some really interesting stuff there.

Consensus seems to be that abstraction is a big part of the appeal. By removing the real models from a scene, we allow the viewers to put themselves into it or to build their own landscape around it. I think in that sense artwork has more in common with writing than it does with film.

BOB suggested that since the artist's work is so personal, its erotic appeal for him or her also transfers to the observer. I think that's very true - what's on the page is as close as the artist can get to the fantasy in his or her head - every element has meaning.

And I loved jm's description of the artist meeting the audience halfway, with both contributing equally to the overall experience.

I think all of your comments ring true. Much as I love spanking photos and videos, I'm distracted by the knowledge that there are cameras and light stands just out of shot (when they're not carelessly left IN shot!) I know that once the shoot is complete everyone will drop their roles, and sit around joking and drinking tea. Oddly, for me the characters in drawings are MORE real. None of them are playing a part, or following a script or a director's instructions. It's as though you're spying on a parallel world that, when you close your browser, happily carries on regardless!

I think the other thing about artwork, for me at least, is that it has nostalgia value. I guess many of us first noticed our strange little obsessions in response to illustrations in books or comics, so they continue to have a special kind of power.

OK, that's more than enough waffle from me. Next time, pictures!

What Is It About Spanking Art?

I like spanking photos. I like spanking stories. I like spanking videos (especially those old Nu West/ Leda ones in which merciless prototype soccer moms hairbrush their hubbies in grainy black and white).

But most of all, I like spanking art - making my own, looking at other people's, and then looking at it some more. Although Sardax is a personal favourite, I find I get a kick out of just about anybody's F/M work - even, and in fact sometimes particularly, where it wouldn't be regarded as technically great.

Hopefully, since you're in here, you also get something special out of the medium - and can help me figure out what it is that gives us that extra little frisson when we come across it.

I have some ideas, but I'm hoping you'll indulge me by letting me know yours first.
Do you have a special preference for artwork? If so, why do you think that is?

(Black and) Blue Landslide

Wow. The shock result from this particular election was that it attracted more votes in the first 24 hours than my previous poll managed over the course of a week! Either visitors have been particularly fired up by the topic, or - and this is my preferred explanation - more people are actively keeping an eye on the blog :). Either way, thanks so much for taking the time to place your virtual crosses.

So, to the results: it's a massive majority win for Tori Wright (Tory? Right? See what I did there?) So I guess we have a large number of true blue visitors, or the people like the paddle, or blondes really do get more votes. Coming a distant second is Lee Burr (Leeburr? No? Never mind). Now I had thought her steely glare might have put her on top, but I dunno. Maybe her long skirt didn't do her any favours.

And finally, trailing just behind, poor Libby Demme. I feel guilty about Libby because I didn't really think I'd done her justice. To paraphrase Jessica Rabbit, she's not a bad politician - she's just drawn that way. I did consider trying out my powers of spin by giving her an emergency makeover halfway through the week, but never got around to it. The other problem might be her weapon of choice. I'm a big fan of the strap, but it's a bit of a minority implement, isn't it?

Anyway, Ms Wright will soon be taking her place in the House, and the troublemakers in her constituency will be taking THEIR places over the paddling bench. Don't ask me how this local system of justice squares with the nationwide abolition of corporal punishment. I'm making this stuff up as I go.

Actually I do have another theory about Tori's popularity, which is that she subliminally evoked the image of a young and better looking Margaret Thatcher - regardless of her policies, the only Prime Minister to date who registers as a blip on my kink radar. In fact, wasn't there a comic song out years ago explaining her appeal in terms of her domina persona? Or was that just some dream I had?

The Politics of Spanking

So it seems that we can't even manage to run an election in the UK these days - hundreds of people were left still queueing outside the polling stations last Thursday evening when the clock struck ten and voting closed.

For the unfortunates who missed out on the day, I bring you Underling's Second Chance Election. Admittedly this is a very localised affair: all three ladies are standing in the little-known constituency of Pantsdown & Redbottom, where the hot political issue is the anti-social behaviour blighting the area.

Please be a good citizen and use your vote to decide who ought to be in charge. The poll's over there on the right. You can choose according to your party leanings, or which candidate you think is best equipped to do the job. For those of you who didn't get the result you wanted last week, this is also a chance to try your luck again. Best of all, you can vote from the comfort of your own home, there's no queueing, and polling is open for a whole seven days. Heck, you don't even need to be British to take part.

Now, I have tried hard to make this as like the real thing as possible. For one, there's little to choose between the candidates - all three are bringing similar policies to bear - and secondly, whatever the outcome, eventually the constituents are going to end up getting spanked. In fact whichever of these ladies is elected to parliament, I predict fewer safe seats all round!

Madeleine's Paddlin's - Actors Needed

Voice actors, that is. I want to make one or more short animated cartoons with a humorous tone and, you guessed it, an F/M D/D theme.My protagonists are Madeleine (she does the paddlin') and Scott (whose bottom gets hot :)).

I'm looking for a game gal and guy to voice these two. In my head they are American, but that needn't be the case. And while ideally this would
be a gig for people who already have some experience, I'm sure there are plenty of talented newbies out there. You need to be over 18, of course (and if you're not, what are you doing in here? Shoo!)
You also need the ability to speak some scripted dialogue in a natural style, and to make a good recording of your own voice to wav or mp3 which you'd then send back to me to work into the movie.

If you think you might like to give this a go, just fire off an email to the address in my profile and I'll send you the script to have a look at - maybe even a draft of the (silent!) movie if it's ready. By the way, we're not talking epic here - probably less than a minute long, and no more than 20 lines of dialogue.

OK, stuff I should make clear: this is for fun, and to promote the blog. I won't make any money from it, so I'm afraid nor will you! And while nobody needs to know your real name or face - including me - your vocal performance might of course end up anywhere on the web, so bear that in mind if you're the shy type. Still, if a friend or family member were to recognise your voice in a spanking movie, well - I guess they'd also have some explaining to do! :)

Polling is closed...

...and while 23 is hardly a massive turnout, I don't think it's too bad for a, erm, humble and recently founded blog like this one :). So thanks for voting, and thanks especially to Bonnie at MBS whom I'm sure has sent some new visitors in this direction.

The best news was that all three pictures got some votes, so each of them must have pushed somebody's buttons! Of course now I'm curious to know what it is that made 'Late Home' the winner. Is it the family dynamic? Is it the caption? Do some of you have a particular thing for hairbrushes (God knows I do!)?

Do let me know.

Oh, and a big hi to my new followers. It's great to see you. :)

Spankings For All

In general I have pretty old fashioned views on copyright. I think, if you like a movie or a piece of music enough to want to own it, then you have a moral as well as a legal obligation to pay its creators their due.

On the other hand, the drawings and stories I'm posting here aren't my livelihood - I produce them for my entertainment and yours, and in the original spirit of the internet they belong to all of us. Coming across my work unexpectedly on another site is flattering, and I still haven't quite got used to it. Even the thought that somebody liked something enough to save it for his or her collection is a thrill!

So please feel free, always, to help yourselves and to reuse anything that appeals to you. All I ask is that you don't compress pictures to the point where they look horrible, nor remove the signature logo. And a credit or a link, if you have space for it, is a welcome bonus! :)

Clearing Out My Closet

These images have been kicking around for a while, and I decided I ought to just throw them out there and force myself to finish off some new work.


'Office Discipline' (aka 'Discipline Friday') was the first drawing I had posted on the web. It depicts a couple of unfortunate employees at OSIRIS, where the women have dream jobs and the men have to perform flawlessly if they want to sit comfortably. I've since discovered that, not surprisingly, my fictional firm shares its name with a number of real ones - so I feel compelled to point out that any similarity etc. etc. I'm sure all the genuine OSIRIS companies out there treat their male staff very much better than mine! The truth is that the name suggested itself through Sardax's 'Slaves of Isis' illustrations - and I needed an 'O' at the beginning of the word so I could incorporate the female gender symbol into the logo.


'Medical Mischief' is set in the same universe - male OSIRIS employees have to undergo rather thorough physical exams, and Mr Phillips has just been learning what happens when the nurse doesn't get the co-operation she needs. Will he now see sense, or will Thandiwe have to carry out her threat? I'll leave it up to your imagination. :)

Like Mother, Like Daughter...

Here's my first picture post. I call this one 'Late Home'.

I've always been a sucker for a wife/ mother-in-law spanking double team. Possibly because I've never had a real world mother-in-law! :) There's just something appealing to me about that female-led disciplinary tradition passed down through generations of the same family.

Clicking on the pic will give you a bigger version, although I'm still trying to figure out how to make the completely uncompressed images available through Blogger - once I do, I'll update all my posts. Meanwhile if anyone wants a copy of the super sized original, feel free to email me and I'll happily forward it as an attachment (as long as there aren't too many requests). Needless to say, I will NEVER share anyone's email address!

You might have seen this drawing before - I'm afraid I'm going to have to rely partly on my back catalogue for a little while, although there is lots of brand new stuff in the pipeline. This was first published on a couple of blogs some months ago, but I have at least made a cheeky tweak in the meantime. If you're up for a game of spot-the-difference, go and hunt down the original for comparison. First visitor to leave a comment or email me correctly identifying the change wins a custom picture drawn to his or her specifications - um, when I get around to it.

Glad You Could Make It...

Welcome, all!

Pull up a well-padded chair, and make yourself as comfortable as any recent blisterings will allow. Hope you like the place. I've just started decorating, in my own amateur style, and I'll be continuing to do so - somewhat gradually - over the coming months.

Many, many thanks to the illustrious bloggers who've given me temporary accommodation in Kinkland up until now - particularly CJ , Stan E and HMP. I thought I ought to be grown up and get my own pad now that I've collected (just) enough items with which to furnish it, but I hope to continue turning up at those other sites for as long as I'm welcome.

I guess I ought to show you around, so here goes.

What you'll find here:

• Drawings of fantasy men being VERY firmly dealt with by no-nonsense women.
• Captions and stories with that very same theme.
• The ramblings of your host about the material presented, and his twisted imaginings in general. I apologise in advance for these, but we have to pad things out somehow.
• Hopefully, a community of wonderful people adding their own comments to the posts, voting on what they like and don't like, and suggesting scenarios they'd like to see depicted in the future.

What you WON'T find here:

• Kids. Here comes the serious bit - there'll be strictly no depiction of, nor reference to, the punishment of minors on this site. That also applies to any comments you might like to post, please.
• Whip wielding, leather clad dominatrices from hell - just not really my scene, man. My favourite fantasies are populated by regular people like you and me, just trying to get along (albeit at opposite ends of a paddle). I'll also leave the 'extreme' stuff to others - nobody here will be inserting anything into, or cutting anything off, anybody else!
• A ton of pictures from elsewhere. There are plenty of other sites collating images from the farthest reaches of the interweb, and thank the Lord for them - but I don't think I need to provide another one.
• Daily updates. I should say up front that I work at the pace of a snail whose fellow snails are forever telling him to keep up. So rather than being one of those bloggers that start with a bang and fizzle out over time, I'm aiming to start with the fizzle and maintain it as best I can.

I would LOVE to hear from you. So please don't be strangers!