...And A Slappy New Year

So, just an hour or two short of 2013 - and I haven't even got around to wishing you all a Merry Christmas yet! I hope you and yours had a peaceful and suitably festive time. And if you happened to unwrap something that suggested your name had come up on the naughty list - well, at least it's better than socks again. Isn't it?

Thanks so much to everyone, whether a regular or occasional visitor, for your support during the last twelve months. And may the new year bring you all the slappiness you deserve!

Rear Window - Love Our Lurkers Day 7

'That's a secret, private world you're looking into out there. People do a lot of things in private they couldn't possibly explain in public.'

That's Detective Doyle from the 1954 Hitchcock classic Rear Window, in which an invalided James Stewart passes the time by obsessively watching his neighbours from the back room of his New York apartment. That we're not repelled by his behaviour is partly down to the actor's everyman charm, but also surely because in him we recognise the voyeur - the 'lurker' - in all of us. Put yourself in Mr Stewart's shoes (or rather in his plaster cast and wheelchair) and you can well understand his temptation. Now add a small plot twist that substitutes a spanked husband for a murdered wife, and try to tell me you wouldn't peep - just a little.

It's fun to watch, and if you can do so unobserved then why not? I have hundreds of visitors pass through here every day, and only a very few of them stop to say hello. Today's the day - organised by the wonderful Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts - when we celebrate that silent majority of people across the world who keep our hit counters ticking over and make the effort of blogging worthwhile. Many, many spanking bloggers will be making special 'Love Our Lurkers' posts and I encourage you to stop by as many as possible.

Thank you all, sincerely, for your visits - whether or not you leave a comment. But if you've ever been looking for an excuse to contribute for the first time, then why not do so right now? I'd love to hear from you! Tell me a little about yourself, say what you like and don't like, ask me stuff - it's all good. Or just pop your head up and say 'hi'.

All you regulars are more than welcome to chip in as well, of course!

By the way, no doubt you're going to find today's animation something of a tease. But by way of incentive, I promise that if enough newbies say hello over the next few days then the light will be staying on in future! :)

The Magnificent Seven

Spanking bloggers are a marvellously supportive bunch, and none more so than the wonderful Bonnie at My Bottom Smarts.

Each year she organises 'Love Our Lurkers' Day, which on Friday 9 November will celebrate its seventh iteration. On that day I (and many, many other spanko bloggers) will make a special post in which we pay tribute to those ninja-like visitors who pass shyly through our portals without going near the Comment button - and encourage them, should they feel inclined, to say hello for the first time. Regular friends are also welcome to chip in, of course!

This will be Underling's Humblings' third LOL Day - to get a flavour of how it works, you can find previous years' posts here and here.

I'll look forward to seeing you on the day!

Oh, this picture is an oldie - although now in super-large, super-sharp png format. The post it originally belonged to got deleted somehow in a (thankfully rare) moment of Undy ineptitude, and since it's one of my favourites drawings I thought it would be a shame not to have it somewhere on the site. Sincere apologies to anyone who'd added comments to that original post!

'This Is Not What It Looks Like...'

...except, of course, that it is. You know it, and they know it, and now you've got some 'splaining to do.

I think it's safe to say that nearly all of us have felt awkward about our kink at some point. For most of us it started as a closely guarded secret, and for many it still is.

After living with this peculiar obsession pretty much all my life, I'm still fairly private about it. I'm happily chatting, meeting and playing with like-minded people, but I'm by no means ready for that conversation with 'regular' friends and family - and it's quite possible I never will be. I guess realistically this only gives me an 'outed-ness rating' of about 10%, since being accepted by your fellow kinksters ain't too much of a challenge!

That said, there have been some close calls and minor revelations over the years, and that's the topic of today's post.

One event that comes to mind for me occurred not long after I'd started living with my first long-term girlfriend (cue wavy 'flashback' visual effect). Ours was a very 'vanilla' relationship, but fun and fulfilling - and I didn't want to scare her with this spanko stuff, so I kept it quiet and limited my indulgence to the occasional trading of playful swats. And 'normal' couples do that too, right? Anyway, early one morning I had an errand to run and I'd left her in bed. I'd also left, inadvertently, an erotic paperback book lying around that until that point I'd had safely hidden away. It was probably nothing that would shock today's '50 Shades' generation - just something from the top shelf of a rail station bookseller featuring, if I remember rightly, a girls' college where the young ladies were subject to the regular use of cane and strap by a cheerfully sadistic headmistress. Or some such improbable but delicious scenario.

I realised my indiscretion before I could get home, but was hoping I'd return to find my other half still snuggled under the duvet - which I did, but apparently she'd been up and about in the meantime.

'Hello,' says I.

'Hello,' says she. 'Interesting book you have there. You like that kind of thing?'

I'm quite sure I flushed a deep crimson, and I'm ashamed to say I think I may have blurted out that horrible old cliché about just being 'curious'. Of course that was never going to be sufficient explanation, but luckily kisses are a good distraction tool. I do remember that a minute later I was back in bed, engaged in the kind of vigorous lovemaking that is not only a lot of fun but encourages girlfriends to forget to ask any more needless questions about boring old books. As it happens, I also remember that as some of the best sex we'd ever had. Who knows - perhaps I did find it a turn-on to have been 'discovered'.

Now this being real life, there was no glorious revelation that she too had only been waiting for the right moment to confess a similar disciplinary obsession. We weren't destined to grow old together while spanking one another silly. But nor did she threaten to call the police, or pack her bags, or move into the spare room. We simply carried on as before, until our relationship had run its natural course, and every now and again she'd tease me about my little predilection - but I never did reveal its full extent. I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if I had. Certainly I'd never make the mistake again of hiding something from a partner that was such an important part of me.

So, that's me, but I'm sure lots of you have similar anecdotes about your little predilections first being revealed, or nearly being revealed, whether deliberately or by accident - and I'm hoping you'll share them. Was it to a friend, partner, colleague, family member? How did he or she react? Did you make excuses, cover it up, or come clean? And I guess most interestingly: did you regret it, or did it - as I'm suspecting is sometimes the case - turn out to be a huge weight off your mind?



I've done a little recycling to illustrate this post. The animation is an updated version of one I briefly had up a long time ago, to advertise a fun short film I was working on with a spanko sitcom theme. It doesn't 'do' anything yet, I'm afraid, so don't bother clicking around! :) I'm using it because it fits the topic and also because I've just returned to that project, this time determined to finish it - and I'm going to need some people to do the voices for Madeleine and Scott. My first choices would have been Angelina and Brad, but strangely their agents have yet to get back to me. So if any of you have voice acting skills and want to get involved, I'd love to hear from you.

Oh, and if you can't see the animation then you may need to go and get Flash.

I Believe You've Met My Sister

25 September 2012

To: Underling
From: Wanda.Ling@OSIRISTechWorks.com
Subject: Hi!

Hey there, Undypoo!

How's it going, step-bro? Sorry it's been a while, but things have been pretty damned busy here. Or rather, my little men have been pretty damned busy and I've been making pretty damned sure they stay that way!

Can you believe I've been with OSIRIS nearly two years already? Mind you, team lead after six months and department head less than a year later - not too shabby, is it? Of course, now I'm looking after Human Resources there's a whole heap of important decisions to make. Like, who gets promoted (pretty much the girls) and who gets their bare bottoms whipped (hmmm... oh yeah, the boys!)

We're actually getting a new intake of female grads next week, so I've got my hands full organising induction and training sessions. Management 101 starts on Tuesday, but it's all a bit dull until we get to Day 3: Discipline. That's definitely my favourite part of the course - I love to see those girls' faces light up when they first get their hands on a cane, LOL!

Of course the guidelines say they have to practise on stupid stuffed dummies. Yaaaaawn! I'm badgering Head Office about that - it's not like there aren't plenty of live 'dummies' available - but in the meantime I have to entertain myself by dragging the odd team member into the sessions and scaring the living daylights out of him.

Last month it was Daniel - that beautiful young guy we took on last year? Timid as anything, and so damned diligent I thought I was never going to have a reason to bend him over my desk and bare that tight little tush :(. God, Undy, you should have seen him wriggle when I 'invited' him to watch the implement training. "Wanda, I have that deadline today"... "Wanda, I'm expected at the team meeting"... "Wanda, I'm a whiney little boy who's afraid of his own shadow"... Anyway, needless to say I insisted he come along. In fact, I made him stay all afternoon so he didn't miss a single stroke.

Well, he was white as a sheet by the end of it. Can't say I blame him, really - chief trainer Dana ('Dana The Caner Trainer', LOL!) likes to put on a good show, and once it's their turn those new girls do get a bit carried away. They scare me sometimes! Anyway, the best part is that I just found out Daniel did miss that deadline. I wonder how that happened, haha! So guess who's going to have an email in his inbox tomorrow morning, inviting him to my office?

Did I mention how awesome this job is?

Love ya. Be good!

Wanda. xx

P.S. Oh, I mentioned to Marilyn about your department downsizing. She said if they do lay you off I should forward your details - she's pretty sure she could find a spot for you here. You might even end up reporting to me! Wouldn't that be fun, sweetie? Well, wouldn't it?! ROFL!!!

The Humbler Games

A couple of weeks ago - almost as though I were maintaining a real blog! - I posted about competitive spanking at London 2012. As in, there wasn't any. And now that the last race has been run and the final medal awarded, we're going to have to wait another four years to see whether there'll be any rump reddening in Rio. Meanwhile, since alternate world fantasy is what we do here I thought we could have a little fun imagining what might have been and even, in a small way, hosting our very own stadium spankings at home.

Now, visitors of a certain age may recall the birth of the athletics-themed arcade game Track and Field. This hugely popular button-basher first appeared in the early eighties, and as far as I know is still going strong - although recent incarnations have moved on a long way from the 8-bit retro charm of their ancestor. Less well remembered (mainly because I've just invented it) is the title's highly unofficial spin-off, Smack and Yield - the first and last videogame to actually feature mixed doubles spanking as an Olympic discipline (see what I did there? 'Discipline'? Never mind...)

I've embedded the app right here, for the entertainment of retro spanking game enthusiasts everywhere. I know you're out there!

To get started just click on, well, START. After that all you have to do is choose your country - or if yours isn't shown, someone else's - and then your team of characters from the huge range of, erm, four. There's a difficulty setting too, for the lightweights.

The rules: Each team's spankee goes across the lap of the opposing team's disciplinarian. After that it's just a question of 'controlling' your team's lady, in classic style, by hitting your LEFT and RIGHT cursor keys alternately as fast you can to reach and maintain maximum paddling speed. The winning team is the first one whose paddler delivers enough swats to get a submission. It ain't subtle. It ain't even that much fun - and I should know, having been forced to playtest it for hours on end!

It all takes place over three rounds, and with each new round the competition gets, um, stiffer.

Here's the list of athletes going for gold.

And here's the game.


CAUTION: Will likely cause repetitive strain injury to both computer hardware and body parts. Play at your own risk. Underling's Humblings accepts no responsibility for your cursor keys and/ or fingers falling off!

Oh, and if all you can see is a big white box then in order to play you'll need to install Flash. But if you're a regular here then you knew that already.

Spanking For Britain

Well, this is embarrassing.

Last year, yours truly drew everyone's attention to this report on the introduction of competitive spanking to the Olympic Games in time for London 2012. Now if you're anything like me - and come on, admit it, you are - then you were looking forward to this particular event more than any other. And yet it singularly failed to materialise.

Did the IOC get cold feet? Were there too few countries able to field teams? Who knows? All I can say is that after scouring the schedules I could find no mention of it, and hours and hours spent glued to the TV yielded nothing more than the occasional friendly swat among the beach volleyball teams.

Even the opening and closing ceremonies made no reference to it. Nearly £30 million to tell the story of Great Britain, and absolutely no acknowledgement of its national kink. A cast of 7,500, and not one of them across another's knee!

Now, of course the Games were wonderful and spectacular and exciting and moving and astonishing. They just weren't very... spanko. I had thought maybe they were saving the OTK action for the Paralympics - for example, it would make a fantastic wheelchair-based event - but it's not looking very likely.

To those of you disappointed by the non-televisation of our favourite 'sport', I think I can help. Check back in a couple of days and I'll see what I can do. ;)