Men, huh? Can't live with 'em. Can't strip 'em and spank 'em. Well actually, you CAN, in this little corner of cyberspace. Around here, fully grown males are at constant risk of humiliating bare bottomed correction - hence the 'humblings' of the title.

Saturday 29 September 2012

'This Is Not What It Looks Like...'

...except, of course, that it is. You know it, and they know it, and now you've got some 'splaining to do.

I think it's safe to say that nearly all of us have felt awkward about our kink at some point. For most of us it started as a closely guarded secret, and for many it still is.

After living with this peculiar obsession pretty much all my life, I'm still fairly private about it. I'm happily chatting, meeting and playing with like-minded people, but I'm by no means ready for that conversation with 'regular' friends and family - and it's quite possible I never will be. I guess realistically this only gives me an 'outed-ness rating' of about 10%, since being accepted by your fellow kinksters ain't too much of a challenge!

That said, there have been some close calls and minor revelations over the years, and that's the topic of today's post.

One event that comes to mind for me occurred not long after I'd started living with my first long-term girlfriend (cue wavy 'flashback' visual effect). Ours was a very 'vanilla' relationship, but fun and fulfilling - and I didn't want to scare her with this spanko stuff, so I kept it quiet and limited my indulgence to the occasional trading of playful swats. And 'normal' couples do that too, right? Anyway, early one morning I had an errand to run and I'd left her in bed. I'd also left, inadvertently, an erotic paperback book lying around that until that point I'd had safely hidden away. It was probably nothing that would shock today's '50 Shades' generation - just something from the top shelf of a rail station bookseller featuring, if I remember rightly, a girls' college where the young ladies were subject to the regular use of cane and strap by a cheerfully sadistic headmistress. Or some such improbable but delicious scenario.

I realised my indiscretion before I could get home, but was hoping I'd return to find my other half still snuggled under the duvet - which I did, but apparently she'd been up and about in the meantime.

'Hello,' says I.

'Hello,' says she. 'Interesting book you have there. You like that kind of thing?'

I'm quite sure I flushed a deep crimson, and I'm ashamed to say I think I may have blurted out that horrible old cliché about just being 'curious'. Of course that was never going to be sufficient explanation, but luckily kisses are a good distraction tool. I do remember that a minute later I was back in bed, engaged in the kind of vigorous lovemaking that is not only a lot of fun but encourages girlfriends to forget to ask any more needless questions about boring old books. As it happens, I also remember that as some of the best sex we'd ever had. Who knows - perhaps I did find it a turn-on to have been 'discovered'.

Now this being real life, there was no glorious revelation that she too had only been waiting for the right moment to confess a similar disciplinary obsession. We weren't destined to grow old together while spanking one another silly. But nor did she threaten to call the police, or pack her bags, or move into the spare room. We simply carried on as before, until our relationship had run its natural course, and every now and again she'd tease me about my little predilection - but I never did reveal its full extent. I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if I had. Certainly I'd never make the mistake again of hiding something from a partner that was such an important part of me.

So, that's me, but I'm sure lots of you have similar anecdotes about your little predilections first being revealed, or nearly being revealed, whether deliberately or by accident - and I'm hoping you'll share them. Was it to a friend, partner, colleague, family member? How did he or she react? Did you make excuses, cover it up, or come clean? And I guess most interestingly: did you regret it, or did it - as I'm suspecting is sometimes the case - turn out to be a huge weight off your mind?

I've done a little recycling to illustrate this post. The animation is an updated version of one I briefly had up a long time ago, to advertise a fun short film I was working on with a spanko sitcom theme. It doesn't 'do' anything yet, I'm afraid, so don't bother clicking around! :) I'm using it because it fits the topic and also because I've just returned to that project, this time determined to finish it - and I'm going to need some people to do the voices for Madeleine and Scott. My first choices would have been Angelina and Brad, but strangely their agents have yet to get back to me. So if any of you have voice acting skills and want to get involved, I'd love to hear from you.

Oh, and if you can't see the animation then you may need to go and get Flash.


  1. Would love to see his face when he turns around!!! I bet his cheeks will look like his bottom soon will.


    1. Hiya James. You will get to see the look on his face (and the blush on all four cheeks) when I get the final film completed. :)

  2. Well. :) I just posted about this, and it turned out very well for me. :D

    1. Hello, Ana. You mean to your little sister? Yes, you did. And yes, it did! :)

  3. I love your flash animations and wish you would do more of them.
    The only thing is, how do can I download them. Flash doesn't allow you to download.

  4. Hi there, and thank you. I promise many more animations.

    I guess you'll just have to keep coming back to watch them, though. Hey, I have to keep my page hits up somehow! ;)

    Oh, alright then - you can download this (and all the others) from the hosting site. For this one, the URL is

    I think if you go to that address then you should get the option to either open or save the file - once you've saved it, it should open again in your browser. That URL also allows other site owners to embed the animation if they wish. Drop me an email if you want the other addresses :).

  5. I have always found images of women tapping their palms or thighs with a hairbrush to be particularly erotic. Something about the threat and expectations of what's to come. And you animation nicely gets the point across. It reminds me of me 'surfing' some spanking sites and getting 'caught' by Cora.


    P.S. I may come from a point of prejudice but I think Cora has an awsome voice.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Nice! Getting spanked after being caught looking at spanking porn is a great fantasy way to 'come out of the spanking closet'. It reminds me of a joke about two parents who've just found a femdom magazine in their son's room, the mom asks what they should do and the dad replies 'Well, for a start, I don't think you should spank him'

      PS Sorry for the clumsy edit!

    3. Thanks, Ken and Q.

      I do agree that the images on the periphery of a spanking are often the most powerful. A no-nonsense expression, someone stood in a corner, a disciplinarian toying with an implement, the positioning of a chair...

      And yes, being caught browsing spanking porn is a nice fantasy (if a bit of a cheesy one ;) ). In the original version the guilty guy was looking at 'vanilla' pictures - I modified it to better fit the post.

  6. A great animation. Look forward to more. Thanks Underling.


    1. Hello Ronnie. Always lovely to see you in here, and thanks for the nice words. More animations to come! xx

  7. How to deal with one's kink and the risk of being outed is a very interesting question, Underling! In my case, quite many of my vanilla friends and even several family members know that I am kinky. I never had to face any really negative reactions. And I have luckily never been outed to anyone I didn't want to know about my kink. I wrote about my experiences in a post quite a long time ago which you can find here if you like.

  8. Thanks, Kaelah. That is an excellent post (but then I expect that from you ;) ).

    You're obviously a lot more 'out' than I am, but it's interesting to see that there still a fair number of people who you would not want to be in the picture.

  9. With regard to your incident in having the book found, has anyone experienced a situation where a seemingly vanila woman has made a comment which could be interpreted as she may be interested in our "thing"? I always seem to be unable to say the right thing -- does anyone have a line that they use in these situations?

    1. Hello Hamguy, and thanks for the comment. There is something delicious in that kind of a hint, isn't there? The fact that it's so rare only adds to the frisson when it happens.

      Of my kinky friends, I'm always surprised how many of them have met someone to play with through work by responding positively to a slightly leading remark from a colleague.

      Like you I don't really know how to respond. My first instinct in the past has probably been - somewhat unhelpfully - to change the subject!


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