Men, huh? Can't live with 'em. Can't strip 'em and spank 'em. Well actually, you CAN, in this little corner of cyberspace. Around here, fully grown males are at constant risk of humiliating bare bottomed correction - hence the 'humblings' of the title.

Monday 11 October 2010

To Have And To Scold

I was thinking about how the act of marriage has moved on over the last few decades. We have gay weddings, which were long overdue. We have dog weddings, which probably were not. People get married in hot air balloons, dressed as Star Wars characters, under water (although seldom all at the same time). Why not an 'official' wedding ceremony for female-led relationship lifestylers?

And then I realised there's really no need for one. After all, once the necessary legal stuff is covered off couples don't have to limit themselves to the traditional vows - many write their own.

So let's imagine that you're going to tie the knot with an FLR partner - or for those of you already married to one, that you're going to do it again. And let's say (just because we can) that all of this is viewed as perfectly normal, and even Great Aunt Harriet will be smiling approvingly throughout the proceedings rather than fainting on the spot.

How would you adapt the marriage vows to reflect your relationship? What changes would you make to the wedding ritual? Oh, and what would be on your gift list? ;)


  1. (Bride's Name), Darling, when you please,
    Put me right across your knees,
    With bottoms up and undies down,
    So you can spank me good and sound,
    Paddle my bottom hot and red,
    So I'll remember what you said,
    And keep forever in my mind,
    The lesson learned on my behind.

  2. a lovely plaque and a good way to live your life.

  3. Anon, excellent! Very nice sentiment, and extra kudos to you for your poetry skills. Thanks!

    Hi Tommy. Yep, I thought something like that might work well on a bedroom wall, and would be a great FLR wedding gift. Unfortunately my cross stitch skills aren't up to par, so I've had to fake it. :)

  4. This is a historic moment, as wives across the English speaking world switch on their ink-jet printers.......:)

    BTW - what is FLR?

  5. My wedding fantasy would be this. I generally date intellectual and artsy women.My bride and her female friends would all be dressed casually in sundresses, knee length or long bohemian skirts and tank tops and camisoles .They would all be either barefoot or wearing thong sandals.I would be wearing a button down shirt and simple trousers.

    The Justice of the peace would be a feminst college proffessor.She would start by having me vow to obey my wife.She would then have me tell her "As a wife and woman you may do as you wish.As a man and husband i will do as im told"

    She will then gleefully tell the audience that in the old patriarchal days the wife was supposed to be "Barefoot and in the kitchen".But that nowdays men should be "naked and in the kitchen".My bride would then have me take off my shoes and socks.And she would then slowly and teasingly strip me naked in front of her female friends while i stood still blushing and facing the crowd.Her female friends would giggle,smirk,laugh and make catcalls during this.They would then cheer as my bride gleefully took off my underwear and held it triumphantly above her head as i stood blushing with my hands behind my back.I would then kiss my Bride's bare feet in submission.

    The wedding and reception would be helld at a beach house.I would serve a s a naked waiter during the reception .Serving drinks naked [and on bended knee if the female guest was sitting]and removing the women's sandals so they would be comfortable.I would have women casually and affectionatly pat and slap my bare ass as i walk around naked with a tray of drinks.

    After a while the Maid of Honour would stand up and say that while in the old patriarchal age , men had "Stag" parties , now in the new matriarchal age women's Hen/bachelorrette parties would be the rule.She then would inform me that she and the women would be taking my wife to a male revue featuring male strippers while i stayed home and cleaned up.My wife would then casually order me[ as i knelt naked in front of her and the maid of honour],with a smug and sly smile on her face, to fetch her and her friends sandals.

    If any other males were present we would be informed that our bachelor /stag party would consist of us staying at the beach house "naked and in the kitchen" doing the laundry that the women had brought with them.

    Or the women would have the male strippers perform at the beach house.And us men would serve as naked butlers,fetching drinks for the ladies and watching quietly, helplessly and jealously as they joyfully undress the strippers and fondle them.

    I would then spend the honeymooon at the beach house, waiting on my new wife and her friends hand and foot as a naked butler, as they sat on the deck casually dressed and barefoot in skirts and tank tops .As they gleefuuly talked about how thibgs are " So much better now then in the old patriarchal days".

    That of course is a fantasy.And i will try to come up with another more realistic scenario in another comment.Although with the right kind of openminded friends in a small gather ing of 10 to 20 people , a variation of this scenario might be done.

    In short my wedding fantasy wouldnt really be about dominatrixes too much.It would mainly be about feminist oriented women and shy intellectual types[ who are the the type of women that i am friends with and date]gleefully and joyfully taking part in a ritual that clebrated male submission and female power.

    Thats just my humble fantasy.I would be interested to read other commenters ideas.And i hope MR Underling would share some of his own ideas.

  6. As i said in my other comment i would love to be in a Matriarchal style wedding. To me the best thing would be to see the old patriarchal traditions turned around.such as instead of the "kissing of the Bride, the women could joyfully line up and have the groom kneel and kiss their barefeet.Or the Groom could humbly lay across each female guest's lap as she playfully spanked him .

    Instead of a "stag party" , the bride and her friends could have a bachelorrete/hen party wich emphasised female empowerment and male submission.Hen parties are a bit risque most of the time.So i think that they would be the best realistic time for the bride to strip the groom naked and have him serve as a naked servant.

    The wedding gifts can be a part of this.Wit the Bride getting gifts stressing female empowerment [for ex.sports equipment and a membership in an all female amatuer sports leauge, gift certificates for a "girls night out" or a day trip for the wife and her female friends,ect ]while the husbands gifts might be domestic in nature[an apron,cooking utensils,ect]

    In reality i think that one could have a matriarchal style wedding.But it would have to be small.And i think that it would have to avoid being thought of as a "femdom wedding" and more of a "feminist wedding". I think that words like "femdom" might make it seem to kinky to some female guests.But words like "feminist" and "female empowerment" might intrigue them.

    It would be interesting to see "vanilla" women who would never consider "femdom" sitting through a "matriarchal" or " feminist" wedding enthralled while thier husbands shifted uncomfortabbly in thier seats.It would be great to see normally shy and timid female guests gleefully order thier husbands to help serve drink,either as naked waiters or[more realisticly ] barefoot and shirtless .Or to hear them congratulate my new wife and tell her that thay plan to start leading a "female led realtionship lifestyle" after seeing how nice her's is.All this while thier husbands blush and stand helplessly by thier wives as thier wives gleefully discuss how they are going to be in charge fron now on and that thier husbands "better do as they are told".

    I think that if the ceremony was billed as a "feminist event" and done sligtly tongue in cheek and in a fun way , i think that at leat some women would enjoy it.

    My own fantasy wedding wouldnt really be about pain or sadism.But more about people enjoying a celebration of love between two people.and the women playfully enjoying haveing some fun at the male gender's expense. I picture my fantsy wedding full of women casually and comfortably dressed and with big toothy grins on thier faces as they enjoy the day. And me and other men quietly and obediently serving the women drinks and food as the women enjoy themselves chatting and laughing with each other

    Thats just my fantasy.Its no better or worse then anyone elses.
    I hope MR Underling, that you will do a drawing and story with a matriarchal wedding theme.It might also be interesting to some of your readers to see a drawing or story about a "WifeLed Marrige [wlm] style "hen /bachelorette party or a WLM style honeymoon.

    It would be great if there were CFNM beaches.I would love to serve my new wife and her girlfriend's drinks as they sat on deck chairs on a beach house deck relaxing and casually watching naked hunks walk by as they [the women] called out ocassional catcalls to some of the sexier hunks walking by on the beach .All the while i quietly serve as thier naked butler with no say in who my wife oggles

    Thnk you again MR Underling for taking the time to run this blog.And thank you for creating the great artwork[i especially like the one about the restraunt]

  7. I love the cross stitch. I can see that hanging upstairs in the bathroom of a New England colonial home ;)

    As to the FLR marriage, I definitely think a chastity belt would be on the gift list, but that might just be me.

  8. Aarkey, glad you appreciate my 'needlework'. I'll tell you, for the amount of time I spent positioning all those little crosses, it might have been quicker to stitch it for real! :)

    BOB, long time no hear - great to see you back. Lots of very appealing imagery there, and I do have a 'matriarchal' wedding picture in progress (and it's been in progress for a long time now!) It might be a little 'femdom' to be ideal for you, but we shall see.

    Bad-Penny, and here was I thinking you'd seen and done it all :). FLR = female-led relationship. You see, this blog isn't all about kinky erotica. We aim to educate too!

  9. love the words on the drawing. It would be fun to see the woman spank the man after the ceremony, but that will likely be in another universe.

  10. After the Maid of Honor handed the bride the CB3000 to put on the groom the Priestess would say; "I now pronounce you Goddess and thrall! You may lick the shoe!" ;-)

  11. "How would you adapt the marriage vows to reflect your relationship?"

    Well I would like the option to be the one to say "Love honour and OBEY" and she could have the option of replying to that with "Or else".


    PS. I hope you do not mind if I steal that wonderful saying, at sometime in the future. I would credit this blog for it.

  12. Red, we're in luck, because this IS another universe, where the bride can close the ceremony any way she likes!

    HMP and Prefectdt, I love your ideas for the ceremony and the vows. I really laughed at the thought of 'or else' replacing the traditional two little words, and the chastity device sealing the deal :). Prefectdt, you can't 'steal' anything from this blog since as far as I'm concerned it's all up for grabs. Please help yourself.

  13. While the groom might end up saying "To love, honor and obey" (with the bride then adding "Or else!"), the bride could get by with only a slight change in the traditional terminology by saying "To love, honor and chastise."

    I've written a few short wedding-oriented femdom spanking stories, including one in which the bride paddles the groom's bare behind as part of the ceremony (children and persons who might find the scene objectionable were excused from witnessing it).

    I liked that sampler drawing, too bad there aren't real ones like that on sale in souvenir and novelty shops...


  14. Hi CK.

    Yes, 'chastise' would be the perfect word for a wedding vow - it has just the right sense of old-fashioned formality, and a nice hint of moral authority :). I'd love to read your femdom wedding stories if they're online - do let us know where we can find them.

    Regarding the sampler, I reckon anyone with a bit of cross stitching ability (i.e. not me!) could quite easily make one from a kit. I've done my bit by providing the template! Be a great present for an FLR couple, wouldn't it?

  15. i love cb3000 too.

  16. I actually did vow to "love, honor, and obey" at the wedding and Wife caned my bare behind on our wedding night.

  17. My fantasy wedding: My fiancee has insisted I shave my body hair and wear a CB600 for weeks before the ceremony. At the Wedding Hall, her bridesmaids strip my clothes off and give me an old wedding veil & new white high heels. One girl lets me borrow her make-up: she puts lipstick, eye shadow, rouge & blush on my face. Then I'm given a big bouquet of blue flowers to hide my nudity as I mince down the aisle....
    The female conducting the service has me promise to love, honor, serve & obey my wife And her friends! Then my smiling wife puts a ring-gag in my mouth--with a leash on it!
    In the receiving line, I stand with my back to the guests, bent way over as everyone kisses my wife & smacks my bare butt!
    After the reception, I'm put in a doggie-cage, loaded in the back of a pick-up truck and driven off to our Honeymooon....

  18. On our wedding night, my wife gave me my first adult naked spanking over her knee. Then put me on my back on our hotel bed and told me to pay homage to her naked cheeks by biting and licking them, before mounting me in a 69 position to our mutual satisfaction. markiee


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